Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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