Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She bit a glass in half.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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