forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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