it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
