I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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