we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
