The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
