she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
