I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
