I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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