We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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