Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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