and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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