Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
