Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
