Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
