she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
