I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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