My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
