I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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