Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
