i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
