Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
