im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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