Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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