he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
