Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
