Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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