I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
