so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
