Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
