Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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