I want to have your abortion
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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