i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
