So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
