I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
