just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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