ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize