Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
