Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I understand Curling. That high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
