dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
