dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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