she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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