man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
