The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
