I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
