so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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