he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
