We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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