some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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