After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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