oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
