My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize