I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
