i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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