there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
