So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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