we have pet lesbian snakes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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