I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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