Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
