So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
