Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
