I wanna passion pit in your ass
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
