As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
