Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
