First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
