I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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