i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
