guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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